On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dignity is for republicans.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
