do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
