I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
