Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
