Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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