I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
