He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize