it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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