Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
