I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
