if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
