I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
