i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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