He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
