well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
