The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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