my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
