Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
