Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
