george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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