this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
