it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
