I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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