So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
