"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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