Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
