I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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