Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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