I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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