you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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