And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
