i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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