I just cut my nipple shaving
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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