That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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