No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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