Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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