She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize