yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
