when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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