you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
