You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
