I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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