you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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