that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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