Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
