I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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