are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
they're like a gay fantastic four
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
