please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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