I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have fence marks all over my body
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
