and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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