I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
