This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
