You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
