That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
