something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
