Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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