life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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