so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
