I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
