The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
