I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
