I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
