12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
