in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
