those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
