david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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