I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
